A few words for all....

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For those of you who could care less, I regret to inform you that you are reading yet another of mine Oh-so-clever comment. But I am sure that you are sufficiently amused and I am one of those: you-know-the-weird-kind-but-the-kind-that-is-cute-and-iressistable. (Boy! Was that a long sentence that was!)

It’s me in my new avatar …

I can see a change in me. I think I have discovered the meaning of life ...[but forgot to write it down.] So, I thought this column (sounds so important huh?) would help me pass this global message.

So pay heed dear friends.. Here’s my judicious advice.

'Tis that time of the year to cease being reproachful and seize the day. Don’t let the millennium bug you. Do not let the Internet get to you. Let not global warming get you fiery underneath the lapel. Don’t let the nukes gust you away. Don’t believe the idiot box.   Be a vivacious figure. Scale walls. Pound ice. Break bricks. Deliberate if Lord Ayyappa was the raison d'être [pronounced as ray-shawn-the-thra] for “here come the men in black”. Go out and amuse yourself, don’t suffer empathy fatigue. Kick your dog Trash if you must, but do it munificently.

Death to people who think engineering and medicine are the only professions in this world. And double death to those who use underscores in their email ID. (sigh! mine has one too.. (but please try getting a hotmail id with a popular name like mine!) Support SPCA. Bear with Gore. Wrangle with the System. Tread new paths. Break new ground.

Drink new liquors. Give up Romanov, Kafelnikov and Gorbachov. (Clever one huh?) Check if your mother has really given you vaccination! Wonder whether Alanis Morisette is actually enthused with anguish, has a kickass songwriter, or suffers from amoebic dysentery.

Using plastic is not misdemeanor. Use it if you want to...refuse it if you can.

De-stress (btw, that is my brother’s favorite word) Let go of that guilt. Don’t indulge in gossip and don’t associate with anyone who does. Be an Ayn Rand Fan. Let Fountainhead be your bible. Be cool. Don’t sell yourself short. Preserve your integrity and don’t compromise on it for anyone or anything. Use protection every time. Protect your apartment complex against the fierce army ants and roaches. Chill, chill, and chill. But don’t solidify. Learn math. Be an authority on Nietzsche. Disprove Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Do not condone Hollywood, bollywood, lollywood or whatever, Jolly good? Join the Govinda’s fan club and Mamta Kulkarni’s  thrust fan club. Ruminate if BUBU94 is an amalgamation of B52, UB40 and U2.  

Slay people who use management argot like they believe in it or know what they are saying. Get a life and I mean one, which is filled with love and affection. Learn to cook. Make Maggie 2 minute noodles in 1 minute. Woo your significant other with your sensuous trombone playing even a plate and a spoon will do! Remember Hariprasad Chaurasia learnt to ply the flute at the age of 40 or something. It is never to late.. And I mean it! Jaded?? …Pilot tri-cycles up harsh inclines with indefatigable speed. You are entitled to build your own castles in the air.  Erect large suspension bridges in your mind. Learn fun Kannada jargons (please see OKC web page, you will find several of them and they are hilarious!) and use them on Mexicans. Act in a movie or a play. (With Dr. R abducted, I am sure there are lots of opportunities!) Memorize a favorite poem or Nehru’s speech, “A tryst with Destiny.” (I can recite it in my sleep also!) Perform open-heart surgeries, or go meet and negotiate with Veerappan. But don’t cheat !!!!!

Be a private denizen and someone who your neighborhood or country or even your family is proud of ...yet receive fan mail. Explore the country on a shoestring budget with just a peripatetic centrifugal force. Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear. Let not the laws of physics apply to u. Don’t forward jokes…. I repeat DO NOT forward jokes! Write funnier email.  Join that gym and lose the flab. Don’t perspire!! Relinquish tobacco. Smoke pot.  Promise yourself a full body massage at least once a year! Take off on a holiday alone.. Without your spouse.

Assess, connect, shift, cavort, love, live, write, etch, bop, jiggle, juggle, sing, play, contemplate, muse, worry, mull over, ogle lewdly, lust, drool, philosophize, smile, laugh out loudly, pay your bills, drink, be merry, hang well, read, believe, disbelieve.

-LKS

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