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Prerequisite: Wanted – Single, Indian female in her mid 20’s who likes music, movies. Should have fair skin, speak good English. Should also have high moral character and good sense of humor. Must be willing to work in the U.S. Must be willing to love and be loved! (Sic!) Women afraid of heights need not bother to respond: since the pedestal you will be put on will be rather high.
I have seen it happen. I have men-friends who ask me to find a woman and these are the things they want from her. No kidding. It is a sad phenomenon that occurs mostly in men who are in their late 20’s and are searching for a soul mate. The affliction? Loneliness.
I have this horrible habit of obliging my single men friends in pursuit of marital bliss. I introduce them to my single girl friends and help them “get to know” one another. Why the hell not? Instead of scouring the women in their work place, approaching bank tellers, waitresses and the grocery store clerk, I thought why not this way! Some of my friends/acquaintances are single men – wonderful, intelligent, and humorous who for some reason or the other have yet to find a woman of their dreams.
As the time ticks by, they turn to wonderful self-appointed matchmakers like me to find them girls. But, it is hopeless can’t you see? With their lists long and a warped sense of reality, they don’t realize it is futile to even look for someone with their tastes which seem so hackneyed.
Arranged marriages are a way of life in India.
This is how it goes: Boy comes to girl’s house. Boy sees girl. Girl sees boy. They step out or go for a drive, and “get to know” one another. They come back. They let their parents know of an answer. And 4 weeks later…Voila! They are wedded.
This is how it works and this is how it has been working for the last couple of decades. Whether it is worth a mention, but our type of marriages do last.
Present day scenario: The man wants it ALL. He wants an arranged marriage. He wants to “get to know” the girl well enough. He wants the whole nine yards with the dating scenario and then, wants to live happily ever after. In short, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Well, I am not saying, wanting all of the above mentioned things is wrong, but hey…this is not how it should work.
Let me continue…
When the search seems futile, at this point desperation sets in. Internet dating services, matrimonial sites begin to look appealing and more and more of the items on the wanted list begins to fade. When romantic encounters over Instant Messaging yield little more than transvestites and nymphomaniacs, the pressure for looking for that soul mate turns vile.
Remember the movie, You’ve got Mail? Over AOL and IM and an hour and few plot twists later beautiful Meg Ryan has epiphany, realizes that their much-hated competitor is actually her soul mate. Lips lock. Everyone gets what he or she wants. The end. Moral of the story: it can happen to you too.
Who cares?
My point is why don’t these men make up their minds what they want? Of course, as always, it is a man’s prerogative to say “Yes” or “No”, never a woman’s. But I have silently resigned to the fact that this is how arranged marriages work. Take it or leave it.
Moral of the story:
Never play matchmaker. If things work out, everyone applauds your effort, if they don’t, then you get damned.
My suggestion to all my single men-friends:
Trying too hard to hit a home run will only cause a strike out. Forget the g-string divas and come down to earth. Focus on the things that fulfill your needs and bring responses beyond your dreams.
Take it easy and concentrate on the ball. Why waste your energy on one inning match when you have a whole season of at-bats ahead?
-LKS
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