U V Kini: Fear of Flying

The MD calls me and says “We have to file these papers in the Supreme Court immediately. Go to Delhi by today’s flight itself and discuss the case with our lawyers”. I think “Oh s***!. Delhi? That’s two and a quarter hour’s flight from Goa. What if something goes wrong during a flight that long? What if the engines fail? …” I have this morbid fear of flying and am especially petrified of long flights.

I usually fly between Mumbai and Goa, which is an hour’s flight. Soon after we lift off, the stewardesses demonstrate their safety routine and then bring out the food trays and we will be busy with the food. (Anything to divert my attention from my fear of flying.) By the time they collect the trays another stewardess will be announcing the approach of the Mumbai airport. There is no time to be afraid on this flight. But a flight to Delhi? How do I kill the extra time?

I kiss my baby daughter, say goodbye to my wife and son, hoping I’ll see them again and rush to the airport and board the aircraft. There are some boisterous young vacationers on my flight, who are returning to Delhi. Laughing, jumping about in their seats and doing nothing to calm my nerves. “Don’t they know the dangers of flying?” I say to myself. The stewardesses do their safety instruction routine:

“We will now demonstrate..…in the event the plane makes an emergency landing in the sea (IN THE SEA???!!??)…. use your seat cushion for floatation…”.

“Arrey, shubh shubh bolo yaar, we are not even off the ground, and you are talking about crashing into the sea???” I console myself thinking I am a good swimmer and if it crashes into the sea, at least I can swim. But what if it slams into the ground???

The plane taxies to the top of the runway and waits for the signal from the tower. This is the most terrifying period during flying. The point from where the plane starts with a rush, to the heady lightness you feel just when the wheels leave the ground. When the pilot applies the thrust, there is no going back or stopping. He HAS to take off. What if the ‘spin driers’ under the wings fail just then??? God forbid, they’ll be scraping you off the runway later.

The pilot gets clearance and applies the thrust. The plane surges forward a few meters and then the engine fizzles out with an alarming whine. The pilot tries again and the same thing happens. Some thing’s wrong! The pilot turns around and taxies back to the terminal. The whine continues. The whine coming from the engine reminds me of a joke. (What’s the difference between airplanes and women? -- “Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong!”) But I am not laughing. I am a nervous wreck. I look around to see if the other passengers have noticed it, but they seem to be oblivious to the sound. They are happily talking among themselves.

The pilot apologises on the plane’s public address system and announces that there is some paperwork to be done which they forgot, so the plane has to go back. Stopping a flight for some silly paperwork?? Aren’t there staff on the ground who can do it? Lying so and so! I think during their training, three things are drilled into the flight crew. Lie, Lie and Lie. “Don’t ever tell the passengers what is really happening. Even if you are scared, put a stupid smile on your face, control the tremor in your voice and lie thru your teeth!”

The pilot says we’ll be out of here in 10-15 minutes, but he keeps repeating that every 15 minutes for the next hour. There are engineers coming and going from the pilot’s cabin. Something must be really wrong with the engine. Will they fix it properly? What if it conks out in mid-air?? After an hour, the pilot taxies back to the runway and waits clearance from the ATC. The plane starts with a rush and with an effort I stop myself from screaming. The plane takes off uneventfully but the seat belt sign is on for a long time. Eventually the stewardesses come and serve food.

“Excuse me sir, Veg or Non-veg?” There is a lot of difference between the present day stewardesses of the private airlines and those of the National Domestic Carrier of say some 15 years ago. Most of the IA ‘sky girls’ then, wore an “I-am-doing-you-a-favour-attitude”, which would make you curl your lips in disgust. A pampered lot, who in many cases drew a higher salary than many of the travelers whom they were waiting upon. They knew it and could not hide their disdain for those “low-lifes” who were ordering them around like waitresses. The chirpy, present day sky girls are like a breath of fresh air (in a cramped pressurized cabin).

During the flight, the seat belts signs come on and the pilot announces turbulence ahead. I lose my appetite and grip the hand rests tightly. The turbulence is heavy. The plane starts to buck and pitch. At one point, it suddenly drops a few metres. My heart is in my mouth. I gulp it down with an effort. I am glad I went to the “Gents” room in the airport lounge just before takeoff. At last the air clears and we are cruising smoothly. The passenger sitting next to me asks me “Hum udd rahe hai, yaa khade hai” (because, from such a height, it seems as though the plane is stationary). “KKKKYYAAA? “ I ask him a little too loudly. Heads of fellow passengers turn to see what’s wrong. I smile reassuringly to show everything is alright. I lower my voice and say “Kaise khade reh sakte hai? Plane khada hO gaya thO neeche gir jaayega!”. Must be his first air travel. “Plane may video nahin hai kya?”. I say, “Video, sirf bus may dikhate hai, idar nahin”. I am thankful to him. At least, he is diverting my attention from the ‘impending disaster at hand’ with his stupid questions.

The plane approaches Delhi, circles the airport and lands not very smoothly though. But I don’t mind. Terra Firma at last. I take a cab. The driver drives at break neck speed on the Delhi roads, weaving thru the traffic, braking at the last minute, stopping cms from vehicles ahead at traffic lights. I don’t care. What worse can happen after what I have endured.

WRITER’S NOTE:
The fact is I have no fear of flying. I am just scared the plane might crash! Like they say –“I am not scared of dogs, I am just scared that they might bite me”.

Jokes apart, I have actually NO FEAR of flying. The ' I ' in the article was not me. I just wrote it in the first person like any author does. I think this technique is called 'false documentation' in literature. It is also called, as 'Verisimilitude' where the reader is, for a short time, actually tricked into thinking what he is reading is actually true. It is my experience that when you write articles in the first person, matter comes to you naturally and freely. However, for the record, I did go to Delhi and the flight delay I had written about did actually take place.

U. V. KINI, a Qualified Company Secretary is currently residing at Margao, Goa, with his wife, son and daughter. He has printed and published two books. "Sanathana Dharma - An introduction to Hinduism" (English) and A compilation of Kannada, Marathi, Hindi and Konkani Bhajans printed in both Kannada and Devanagari scripts.

He has currently commenced work on a third book.

Mr Kini, a member of the Executive committe of GSB Samaj, Goa, was born and brought up in Mangalore and has done his schooling at St. Alosius, Mangalore.

Click here to go to the main page of Mr U. V. Kini.
Please send your opinions, feedbacks, articles to shshenoy at yahoo.com