People of this country want change, political and moral. While everyone is talking about change, I too want change. But my expectation is different. I just want my change, my money. But instead I keep getting Cadbury’s Eclairs and cheap candies!

Since the past year I am having trouble getting my change back. Whenever I ask for my change, I am promptly sent back in time; sent back to medieval times and forced to indulge in an unfair barter system. Every time we step in front of a cashier, we are asked “Change please.” If you say “No,” you get a candy. They don’t even give you a choice of the candy. Whatever is in their cash drawer is what you get. Or whichever candy company pays the most commission to the store, their candy becomes change.

This is actually not a barter system. Because barter system works on the principle that you exchange something you have, for something you want, of equal value. But a candy may not be worth Re. 1. Yes the MRP may say Re. 1, but that includes the seller’s commission. So when they give us a candy instead of change, they are actually giving us a candy worth about 75 paise; the rest 25 paise is the store commission that it gets from the candy company. This is not giving change of equal value but is actually a sale. This is cheating.

People say, why make a big fuss when these days even beggars don’t “entertain” alms below Rs. 5. This may be true but try giving them candy instead of money and you’ll get a mouthful of cussing. So when even beggars don’t accept candy for money, why should customers of retail giants? Why can’t the big retailers, like their counterparts in USA, begin their morning by getting pods of change from the bank, instead of packets of candy? If the store thinks candy equals money then can we carry a packet of Rs. 100 Eclairs and exchange it for any goods of the same value? Why can’t the retail giants give us store credit instead of candy, so once we have accumulated enough change credit we can redeem it by purchasing an item we really want?

While retail giants bluntly say “no change,” many small “kirana” shops give our change back. But they too, encouraged by the retail candy racket, are now slowly but surely entering the race.

Recently I shopped at a big retail mall. They did not have change and gave me two Eclairs. Later in the day, I went to watch a movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara at Lido theater where I bought a Fanta which was Rs. 18. I extended my palm expecting my two rupees change back. Instead the man, opening the bottles, just thrust two “chaklis” into my hand! From hard candy now I was forced to accept unhealthy, stale deep - fried foods! This is worse than candy. Candy can be stored and eaten at a later date but fried food, you are forced to eat it immediately and most of the time it’s inedible!

When I insisted on my change, I was promptly asked by my friends to shut up. I did. By the end of the show we were left with 10 inedible chaklis! That’s Rs. 10 wasted.

May be I get sensitive about this attitude of equating small change to “insignificance” because I work for a newspaper — an FMCG product with the shortest life span, produced with creativity, high capital and held accountable by public and open to criticism, sold for just Rs. 1.50.

So since that evening after watching Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, I have never dared stretch my palms dobara expecting money on my palm, lest it is greased with peanut candies, coconut toffees, chikkies (peanut dipped in jaggery), Center Fresh and Big Babool.

Also now I don’t want change, at least not one rupee change. Why fear Re. 1? Well, recently, my cousin and I were walking on Devaraj Urs Road when we were confronted by a transgender trio. One of them hung off my shoulder and looked at me like she was a retro - romantic Hema Malini and said in a forceful tone “Kas kodu sundara” (give me some money handsome).

I thought I’d give money, if not for that misdirected compliment, then at least to have them off my shoulders. But then I started wondering how they would react if I gave them a Cadbury Dairy Milk instead. Immediately the subliminal message in the Cadbury’s Dairy Milk ad “Meete may kya hai” manifested itself and I shuddered out of my thoughts only to be confronted with loud abuses.

The trio were screaming “I hope you are ruined” followed by vigorous clapping in front of our faces. The sound and fight show left me and my cousin disoriented. Soon they moved on and I asked my cousin, “What happened?” He said, “They touched my cheek, I got scared and pulled whatever I had in my side pocket and gave it. And they started cussing me.” It turned out he had pulled two one rupee coins from his pocket and given it to them. It seems one rupee coin has no value even if it’s given for free these days!

Though the incident was embarrassing, the good that came out of it was that we busted a myth — transgender curses do not come true. My cousin is not ruined. Instead he is a successful doctor in Boston, USA. Ironically he left just a few weeks after the curse. But I am left here with the fear of “change.”

Our attitude towards coins and small change has changed with prosperity. Especially in the middle class and upper middle class. Even the youngsters’ attitude has changed. In the pre - 2000 era most of our wallets had a small pouch. That pouch was predominantly used to keep change. Even the wallets these days have this pouch but it is used to keep romantic ‘condiments’ and small keys. Coins have no place in a middle class man’s wallet anymore!

Earlier, even if a person dropped a 20 paise coin, he would immediately pick it up and press it against his eyes as an gesture of apology for the disrespect. But these days, all money is not goddess Laxmi. There is discrimination.

Coins are not entertained at all in the wallets. Rs. 5 note is entertained but is not respected enough to warrant a place in the wallet. Instead it is stuffed in the front pocket to be spent at the first chance one gets. Rs. 10 note gets a place in the wallet but right in front of the pack, it’s considered change. Rs. 100 and above, yes, they are loved and cared for. Rs. 5 to 50 are just Laxmi but Rs. 100 and above are “Dhana Laxmi”.

Even the children’s attitude, especially of the neo - rich and middle class has changed. We wonder how many kids these days know what a Rs. 5 note looks like? Wonder if their piggy bank has any coins at all?

Earlier, when a cashier opened his drawer he used to have shiny bowls each filled with a certain denomination of coins. Now the bowls have disappeared, instead we notice a pile of candy. Earlier, change was returned correctly with a smile. Now you have to ask for it and when you do, you get it with a “what a miser” look or you simply are forced to accept a candy with an attitude of “take it or leave it”.

This attitude has developed because too many customers don’t take the trouble of asking why they are getting a candy instead of their money. It is because of this same unquestioning attitude and irresponsibility of an Indian consumer that today every public service in our country is in shambles. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

It is because of this attitude that some auto drivers don’t even give back change. They assume that its tips or that you don’t expect it. In stark contrast, recently I was in Kolkata and I saw a rickshaw “puller” return Rs. 4 change! If anyone has the right to keep the change as tips it is this man, yet he returns it. Many modern Indian cities suffer not just from greed but also arrogance of wealth. The world complains that the Americans waste too much of everything. May be that’s because they have too much of everything. We in India have just begun to witness some level of prosperity and we are already in the wasteful mode.

Now I carry extra change when I go shopping or I grab a handful of coins that I’ve saved up in my car’s “cup holder – cum - piggy bank” before entering a shop.

The ones who question this "candy - racket" are asked to shut up or are branded as stingy time wasters. But who cares, I still want my change, my rightful money.

But one thing is for sure, I shall “NEVER” open my palms expecting change. In fact we must stop calling it “change”. Instead, we must call it “present”, because you never know what you are going to get.

Vikram Muthanna
vikram@starofmysore.com
Courtesy: Star of Mysore